Counselor Adofoli writes: When sex becomes dirty

I am yet to hear a married couple who felt guilty or shame after having sex; Who felt dirty after sex. Who felt bad or embarrassed after having sex. Even when they didn't enjoy the act, none felt dirty after the act...


I am yet to hear a married couple who felt guilty or shame after having sex; Who felt dirty after sex. Who felt bad or embarrassed after having sex. Even when they didn't enjoy the act, none felt dirty after the act. Feeling dirty, embarrassed, odd only happens when sex takes place outside marriage, either between two singles, the married and single or two cheating married persons.

Ladies especially, rush to the washroom after sex with a partner they are not married to, and spend all the time under the shower trying to wash away how dirty they feel, but that does not take away the feeling from their heart.

Some go crazy after they realize the man they had sex with is married, already has a woman or does not love them and only came for fun. They feel used and dumped. Some will only agree to have sex with a man because they believe the man loves them and will get married to them in the future. To her, the thought of having sex with the future husband gives her some sense of security in doing that.

Sex is sacred. Sex is holy. Anytime it is practice outside marriage, it is made dirty or unholy. Anytime you agree to have sex with someone you are not married to, remember you’ve agreed to make your marriage or union dirty or unclean. And the truth is, God does not live in dirt. God does not live in an unclean vessel or union. You are driving God out of your union if you agree to start such a relationship with sex.

And when you make your relationship dirty, you are also dirty. You are in the dark and that is the reason you are not able to see the red flags. You are blind to the negative things which tell you the marriage you are heading towards is danger.

Marriage goes beyond sex but it is sad to know that lots of people are just looking for sexual partners in the name of marriage. The focus of a happy marriage these days has been reduced to sex. So lots of singles going into marriage these days want to be sex experts before they get into marriage.

They are concerned with the size of a man’s manhood than the size of his heart or commitment towards them. They are concerned about how long sex will last between them than how long the marriage will last.

Sex is never love, sex does not seal a relationship. It dirties relationships but seals marriage. Never mistaken good sex outside marriage to be love. No matter how good the sex is, it makes you dirty if done outside of marriage.

The Bible says "Now although the man and his wife were both naked, neither of them was embarrassed or ashamed" - Genesis 2:25 (TLB).

God is a God of order. If you want to have the best of marriage, if you want to have His kind of marriage, if you want Him to be the center of your union, then you have to do it His way. You have to obey his laws and do as He wants.

In conclusion, "Honour marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex" - Hebrews 13:4 (MSG).

Source: Frank Edem Adofoli



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