Having sex on the beach is a lot like eating a chili cheese corn dog: amazing in theory, but messy as hell in reality. In your fantasies, you're making sweet love in the moonlight to the sound of waves crashing against the shore; in reality, you're dodging roving flashlight beams and picking sand out of places you didn't know existed.

So what's it really like to have sex on the beach? We scoured Reddit for real people's stories of getting down and dirty (literally) in the sand: the good, the bad, and the incredibly uncomfortable. Check out their sex-on-the-beach stories below. (And if you're thinking about having sex on the beach this summer, you probably want to read up on avoiding the health risks associated with it.)

Lots of people complained about sand getting EVERYWHERE.
"On my third date, my lady and I snuck out to the beach around midnight," a since-deleted Reddit user commented. "Horrible idea. Balls and vag were full of sand. Her back, my back. So much sand."

Not even a shield, of sorts, could protect Redditor raginghappy. "Bring a large blanket and be prepared for irritating sand in places you never expected for a week," they wrote.

"Your largest concern is the FUCKING SAND," Redditor axnasty wrote in an impassioned comment. "I have had sex on a beach. You know what happens on a beach? Everything is covered in sand. Three thrusts and OWOW sand. Yeah, sand on hands, on lube, on condoms, on all of it."

It's a stupid fantasy. Stupid stupid stupid.

"Practice on gravel first, to see if you're really committed to this idea," joked Redditor skahammer.

One guy had an experience with crabs—like, the animals.
"Got crabs...on my feet," Redditor poop_grenade wrote. "Got so scared for my balls I ran away naked and screaming. Not my proudest moment..."

And then there's the risk of getting caught.
"I almost tried it this weekend, but then there were people walking on the beach with flashlights so I decided not to," said Redditor jollyrogerninja. (Sounds like a smart decision!)

"Not worth it. Was about 15 seconds away from being caught when I did it in Hawaii," Redditor how_cansheslap wrote.

Some people said they found ways to get around the sand issue.
Redditor GamerNiteDay2043 said they'd had sex on the beach a couple of times, and didn't mention sand as an issue. "Each time was where there was beach chairs out on the beach. Put a towel on it, strip down and go to town! It’s awesome have the stars above you, SO under you, and hearing the waves crash right by you as you two are crashing into each other ;)

Other people said doggy-style helped keep sand out of unwanted places. "My wife and I have had sex on the beach quite a bit," said Redditor eveningfun. "If there's no one around, doggy style works best and can be a lot of fun. It's a great view for both and keeps things away from the sand. Never got any sand in the wrong place, but I imagine that would be quite uncomfortable."

You could also try doing it standing up. "Having had an unpleasant experience of sex on a beach with an ex due to sandburn, gritty bits etc, we did a repeat visit a couple of days later and had some very outrageous intense sex with all foreplay and sex itself standing up. Worked well for us and was amazing," said Redditor Wiltsman.

You could always just use the the beach for some steamy foreplay action, then take things to a less-sandy location for the main event. "I would suggest making out with shorts still on, but topless," said Redditor TheTomorrowChild. "Get the appetite and romantic feeling going and then shower the sand of together in a room and do whatever you like."

Others said that despite the risks, it was hot as hell.
"I [had sex on the beach] and it was nice, night time and the sand was pretty compact so it wasn't all over the place and i was wearing a dress and riding cowboy so if someone saw it just looked like we were making out," Redditor snxwfall said.

"I went down on a girl at the beach once. It was actually pretty awesome," Redditor jacobman wrote. "Put a towel down and went from there. No sand problems. Hid behind a dune. Technically someone could have seen us, but the chances were slim. It added to the excitement anyways. Gotta live life."

Source: www.menshealth.com