Having sex with the lights on can feel like a big deal – especially if you’re not confident in your body.

Dating expert Sarah Louise Ryan says that having sex in the dark is actually way more common than we think, and it’s often because we feel conscious about our bodies and how we look naked. Anna, 24, says it took her a long time to become comfortable having sex with the lights on.

She says: ‘In my previous relationship, I was very self-conscious about my body, and it became a habit to have sex with the lights off.

‘I got comfortable with not showing my body and became even more terrified to have sex in the light. ‘It didn’t help that my ex would never compliment my body. It was easier to just stick to doing it in the dark so I never had to confront the situation.’

However, Anna is now in a healthy relationship and says she absolutely loves having sex with the lights on. She explained: ‘I’m now with someone who constantly shows his appreciation for my body – touching and grabbing me at any opportunity, telling me how much he loves my body and making me feel confident.

‘I know we shouldn’t rely on other people to feel confidence about our own bodies, but it was the push I needed to get naked in a fully-lit bedroom.’

Another woman says that having sex with the lights on is a big no. Hilary, 26, said: ‘It’s not too bad if it’s dim lighting but otherwise it’s a no-go. ‘I feel like it’s the closest people can get and that’s when you notice little things.

‘As someone who’s super self-conscious, I just feel quite paranoid about how I look, especially in such a vulnerable state.’

But being self-conscious in the bedroom doesn’t only affect those wanting to keep the lights off – it can also have an effect on the person you’re sleeping with. Cory tells us that his partner will only have sex with the lights off, and it ‘drives him crazy’.

He said: ‘It makes me sad. Our sex is very passionate, but I want to actually be able to see her. ‘She struggles with self esteem and body image, but I find her to be incredibly attractive. [It] makes me feel like she doesn’t fully trust me with her body.’

It’s upsetting not being confident enough to strip off in front of your partner in the bedroom, but there are ways to put yourself on a journey to reaching comfort. Sarah tells us: ‘It’s important to remember that loving ourselves first is vital before we can give or share love with anyone else.

‘Anything we feel like we are missing or lacking we often project to want in a partner and so that’s a weight that’s heavy to bear on our love lives.

‘If you take stock and think of all the times you’re intimate with that certain someone and if you are finding that more often than not it’s in the dark start with asking yourself why.’

Sarah suggests making a list of all of the reasons you could be scared to have sex with the lights off, and to be brutally honest with yourself. She continued: ‘There’s something really special that happens when we step out of denial, and out of the dark (in the bedroom) by acknowledging what leads us to hold ourselves back from confidence and being our best selves.

‘This includes body confidence in the bedroom.’ It’s important that you communicate with your partner, and a good way to get to the bottom of things would be to share the list with them so that you can work through things together.

Communication is key, and if they don’t know what’s going on with your confidence, they won’t understand what’s going on in your head and why your sex life might be affected. And communication doesn’t only go for the person wanting to have sex with the lights off – but their partner, too.

Source: Metro.co.uk