Wednesday, 27 January

Nene Kabutey Dosoo writes: What Ghanaian men need in a relationship

Feature Article
Men expect some essential in their relationships

Relationships are fragile. They take a lot of understanding and even more work in order to make them successful and healthy. There are a million websites that offer advice for women; how to improve their self-esteem, how to do the right thing in a relationship, and a litany of other things. But what isn’t asked often is what a man needs in a relationship and the things that he does not. Men are not as vocal about their wants or feelings as women are and it can sometimes be difficult to know just what a man might want in a relationship.

This helpful list will provide a look from a man’s perspective and give you an idea of the things that you need to do and not do in a relationship, keeping it healthy and on good ground for a long time.

Security is important in every man’s life: Feeling certain in a relationship is always incredibly important to the parties that are involved. What makes a person feel secure about their relationship? Having a partner who is reliable and honest can certainly help. Guys are no different than girls when it comes to wanting security in a relationship. Think about it. If a guy is taking you on dates or has a home with you, he would be devastated if you just decided to end the relationship without any warning. That is why it is important for you to be reliable and communicative with him. Remember to communicate with him through the good times and the bad times as well. That way, your relationship won’t just go up in smoke. Commitment is an important part of a secure relationship. It is important that you both agree on the terms of your relationship and that you both work to maintain a strong relationship. If one person stops making the effort, then the relationship will begin to crumble.

Men need understanding: One of the very worst things for a man in a relationship is to feel as though they are not understood. Take, for instance, a situation where a man is doing all he can to be helpful in a stressful situation. There might not be anything that he can do to directly resolve the situation, but he is doing all he can to make the situation better. The last thing a woman should do in this situation is to take out her frustrations on her man.

He is there to help you: He wants to take away your frustration and pain but the fact of the matter is that he cannot. We all want to know the exact right thing to do or say, but sometimes all we can do is simply be there and show that we care. When your man does this, try to take into consideration that he is trying. It might not fix the situation but it will unite the two of you, allowing you to share the stress load and handle the situation together.

Don’t make yourself the entire focus: There is a simple fact of life: in most relationships, the bulk of the attention and focus falls on the woman. Their emotions and needs are far more complex and require more attention. As men, we are fine with this but it is imperative that women try not to make themselves the focus all day every day. Ask your man how he’s doing. Ask him what you can do for him. You don’t have to fawn over him and kiss the ground he walks on, but knowing that you are thinking of him and making an attempt to hear his thoughts and feelings will go a long, long way.

Every man needs respect: It can be easy and sometimes even fun to tease the opposite gender, but we have to be mindful when our respective others are concerned. You can make a joke or two, but consider your man’s feelings. For a good number of men, respect and love go hand in hand. These men need respect in their love lives and the respect that you show him will also show your love for him as well. After all, if you do not respect him, then do you truly love him? If you do not respect him, then he will feel unloved, anxious, and frustrated among other things. Another part of respect is seeing him as your equal. That means not treating him like a child. Do not treat him like a little boy or compare him to the other guys out there who are stronger, smarter, better looking, wealthier, and so on. Remember that people deserve respect, and that goes double for those who are in a relationship. Be aware of how you are with the opposite gender. While you should be able to have other friends, it is typically considered disrespectful to flirt with other people whether or not your guy is also there to see it. The best rule of thumb is to consider how you would want to be treated and apply that to how you treat the guy in your life. Having a mutual, deep sense of respect for each other will be really healthy for your relationship.

Don’t take them for granted: Your man, if he is a good man, will spend the majority of his time trying to make you feel like the most special woman on earth. But it is important that you never take him for granted. Not all men treat women as special, wonderful beings. Knowing this should make you appreciate him all the more. When you take your man for granted, it can lead to trouble. It is one of the reasons why men lose interest in a relationship. Taking the time to make him feel appreciated does not take much effort. Do little things to show your appreciation for all that your man does. Make him his favorite meal. Give him a back rub. Cuddle up on him while you watch the game. These are little things that will go a long way towards showing that you appreciate all that he does and recognize the contributions that he makes to your relationship.

Your humility and ability to let go:We want women who respect us and treat us as their equals. We want women who are willing to compromise and who let go of grudges quickly. If we screwed up, don’t hold it against us forever. Let go of the grudge and give us another chance.

Learn to make compromises: Fighting is a normal part of any relationship and is actually healthy — so long as it is not constant fighting. One way to make fights occur less often is to pick your spots and learn to compromise. Some women are willing to die on every hill, making fights far more common of an occurrence. And when fighting is far more commonplace, a relationship is far more likely to end. Learning to compromise, as difficult as it may seem sometimes, will allow for far less friction in the relationship and far fewer fights. When you spend less time arguing and fighting, you spend more time appreciating each other’s company and have fun doing activities together.

There are many more things to do and not do to have a healthy relationship, but this guide is a great start in the right direction. Finding your way in a relationship takes continuous work but with this guide, you will have a leg up towards making the best of your relationship.

Men need sex in a relationship: “Sex creates an intimacy feedback loop,” says Cleman. “The more intimacy you have in the bedroom, the more intimacy you’ll have outside the bedroom, and vice versa.” Research backs this up. Sex predicts affection and affection, in turn, predicts sexual activity. “This loop is particularly beneficial to people who have physical touch as one of their primary love languages,” says Francis, referring to the concept introduced by Gary Chapman in his best-selling book. “If intimate touch is how you express love and receive love from our partners, then sex is a gateway for how you share affection and love,” Sex also improves your sleep because you release a hormone called prolactin when you orgasm. This chemical can lead to deeper sleep and more time in the part of the sleep cycle when your brain and body are re-energized and your dreams occur. A good night’s sleep is the foundation of a healthy lifestyle, in no small part because increases your mental wellbeing. And increased mental wellbeing means less irritability, which means you pick fewer fights with your partner.


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Source: Nene Kabutey Dosoo